It seems that there are different ways you can get your “confidence”. First, you can get your confidence in your personal successes. This is the repeated experience of success that instils a belief that you are confident. Since you have accomplished something, or you are good at doing something, you have confidence. The ultimate in competence, mastery, may or may not take years to develop, but it always takes commitment, dedication, persistence, discipline, and a drive to continuous self-improvement. Thus, once you have success, you have confidence.
Another way to have confidence in yourself is in your ability to learn and problem solve. You start to learn from your mistakes when you take on new things which may feel uncomfortable at first.
For instance, if you want to succeed in breaking a bad habit or have long-term success in anything, you might have to fight off past experiences of failure. Previous failure does not predict future failure if you have the courage and open-mindedness to consider and adopt new strategies. This is the area in which you must train to develop a genuine belief in your competence, and subsequently confidence.
Having the belief that you can change starts by changing the limiting belief. The human mind is a remarkable thing which has the potential to be far more determined, resourceful, and creative than most people ever ask theirs to be. Therefore, learning and overcoming obstacles helps give you confidence.
Third, you can have Confidence in your intrinsic worth or self-worth. Do you have self-worth? Do you believe you have value? If so, where do you derive your self-worth from? Unfortunately, some people who seem to have a lot of self-worth tend to build it upon rocky foundations. The easiest foundations to build upon are good looks, fame, money, a unique talent for example, writing, singing or painting.
The problem with having foundations like these is that they can easily be shaken. Looks will fade, weight can be gained, money is lost, fame turns to infamy, other people stop liking you, goals remain unachieved, people retire or get a divorce.
Good foundations that you want to build upon might be more difficult to achieve. However, they are accessible to everyone. They are helping others, making the right choices, contributing to society, seeing all people of equal value, and having the ability to forgive and to understand people. It is hard to be accepting and nonjudgmental to other people when we are not accepting and judge yourself.
The best way to build this kind of self-worth is to fall in love with you. Not with your smaller self, but the part that accepts you for you. Once you are awake to the truth about who you are, you will become far more authentic in all areas of your life.
If your self-worth was damaged by a trauma or love-deficient early childhood, it might be feeding off these sources. This voice might sound like your father, teacher or ex-lover. The extent that it has power over you depends solely on how much power you give it. You should be neither surprised nor frightened by ‘the negative voices,’ but instead remain vigilant in monitoring them so that you can ignore them. You must learn to recognize that internal voice that tells you that you ‘can’t or you don’t deserve’. But recognize this voice for what it is: a destructive idea that only lives in your head. Remember You have value and deserve to reach your goals. You have self-worth which will give you unlimited self-confidence.